Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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