Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just want to make out with him forever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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