Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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