It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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