She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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