Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize