we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
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