I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You did what with his pubic hair?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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