Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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