I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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