I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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