fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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