You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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