The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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