no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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