3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize