Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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