i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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