just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize