Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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