Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize