Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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