I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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