Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize