I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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