Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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