Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize