My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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