It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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