haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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