yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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