Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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