so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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