We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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