i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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