Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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