It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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