I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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