You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
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Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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