I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize