Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize