My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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