Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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