Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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