bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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