someone threw a dead crab at me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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