I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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