we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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