I think im going to throw up on grandma
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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