a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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